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I am househunting on behalf of my cat
But there doesn’t seem to be much on the market right now
It is not as if she is asking for the moon on a stick
Just a quiet place, away from main roads
With no moronic asshole dogs next-door
Comfort and light are both very important factors for her, too
Architecturally clean lines
A seamless flow between inside and outside
And plenty of nearby soil
We are additionally striving to avoid houses with gardens that back onto children’s playgrounds or major haulage depots
We have lived in both of those
She concluded neither one was for her
Also those roads that look quiet but where people drive really fast
And streets with parrots living on them (she hasn’t explained why)
If there’s an artificial lawn, fucking forget it
“SORRY, PETS NOT CONSIDERED” say a lot of the rental houses we look at
But it does not seem to have occurred to their landlords
That my cat wouldn’t want to be considered for their exorbitantly priced shiny grey shitty house
And abhors the giant pointless wall clock and trite inspirational slogans
That it substitutes for a personality
My cat has opted out of the cash-rich, time-poor life
It’s an uncompromising personal choice for her
And I for one respect that
But it means her budget is limited
Also it’s very competitive out there right now
There are probably more cats than there ever have been
And fewer houses for those cats to live in
But I am looking hard and I am hopeful
That I’ll find just the right place for my cat
Then when I’m triple sure I have
I’ll start to consider whether it’s right for me too
Househunting On Behalf Of My Cat: A Poem
"Giant pointless wall clock" made me shriek out loud and call my husband over to read it. It is my PET PEEVE! As if time weren't opressive enough without it looming over so tastelessly. Brilliant.
I well remember when I was searching for rented accommodation in Oxford. Before I set the filter to "pets allowed" there were 200+ search results in Oxford and environs. After I set the filter on the website to "pets allowed", there were only 4 search results. I hope you find somewhere nice and safe. How could anyone refuse Roscoe? She's famous.