It comes as something of a surprise to me to realise I have now been living in the British countryside for almost five decades. Before those conclusion-jumping folks amongst you read that statement and think “Oh, this guy is clearly a Grade-A bumpkin with no idea of how the cut-throat real world works” I should also point out that I tried living in cities a couple of times, too, so yes I
I fear you may be wrong about the ‘resting cow’. That is in fact an ancient breed, renowned for its ability to ‘listen to the earth goddess’, via certain types of rock. Thought you’d know about that. More info available if anyone interested.
This made me laugh out loud! I’m not sure what’s funnier, the 1970s disco strut or your cats’ dealing with addiction. You are an excellent advocate for the British countryside, you should be in charge of all official guides.
Indeed he should! My direct experience of Britain is limited to one 10-day visit in 2007, but Tom's voice reminds me of narration supplied by a fellow who ferried us from one spot to another on the Thames. I later found out there are "official" tour boats manned by stuffy docents confined to a standard line of patter -- our guy was not that. He had many wry opinions about the Eye, Houses of Parliament, the Tate and the other boat operators.
I am so there for the Extreme Linoprint on Druid’s Hill. 1. Can Yanks participate? 2. What constitutes proper documentation of Druid ancestral linotype? 3. Are beards for women allowed? 4. Can my familiar attend as my assistant, and is black tie acceptable (he cannot change out of his furry tux) 5. Must Christians first convert so as to keep the site clean? Many thanks.
Proper. Bastards. I broke my toe on a wether's rock-hard head, protecting my young child. He never felt the kick, but I sure as hell did. It was only my body between his and my little one's that prevented a bad outcome. Admittedly it was excessively stupid to kick a sheep in the head at all, but with bare feet it was a festival of smooth-brained reaction. Momma Bears will be Momma Bears. I swear that Cloudy (the wether) shrugged, recommitted to his opinion that humans are complete nutters, turned around, and went about his day.
I was peacefully chewing on a scone while reading this which at one point caused a little burp to come out followed by a little laughter mixed with little pieces of scone jetting out of my mouth which landed on the floor which my beagle promptly lapped up. Lovely piece. Thank you.
I loved this - very funny writing. I literally just searched for the ‘Fellow Hiker Profile’ app having recently become addicted to the Merlin app. Disappointed to find that it's not a thing!
My favourite bit is your ability to "navigate my way to the nearest tavern by evaluating the health of nettles". However, I should think you'd need to be fairly close to the tavern to see any impact on the nettles, as most drinkers can't hold it long enough to walk far.
My favorite might be “As soon as I took them home to the seventh floor flat we used to rent on an unusually tall farm,” but it’s a tough call between that and the “Extreme Linoprint” event.
Dear Tom. I am reading Notebook. Please share the thing about Joyce. I know it's too short to prompt a row about a paragraphs, sadly, but I would appreciate being able to like it, formally.
You are hilarious, Sir! My favorite were the cat addict, the Fellow Hiker App and your dogs. I will mention 2 things, I passed by this post earlier this morning and was confused about your front door and couldn't look into it further so I'm so happy I found you again! 😂 Also I kept looking for evidence of all the murderers and odd assortment of detectives that have become so very familiar to me in all those lovely quaint little villages of the English Countryside 🤷🏻
“pollution-coated twat thinks he’s William W***ing Wordsworth” *Snorts oat milk*
#5 “This one, which still hurts more than most, “
Okay I GET that some of these are tales:fullofit, but methinks there is actually more of a story here, and some people desperately want to know what those beady-eyed, bloodthirsty Bovidae did to y’all on that lonely precipice…?
I fear you may be wrong about the ‘resting cow’. That is in fact an ancient breed, renowned for its ability to ‘listen to the earth goddess’, via certain types of rock. Thought you’d know about that. More info available if anyone interested.
This made me laugh out loud! I’m not sure what’s funnier, the 1970s disco strut or your cats’ dealing with addiction. You are an excellent advocate for the British countryside, you should be in charge of all official guides.
Indeed he should! My direct experience of Britain is limited to one 10-day visit in 2007, but Tom's voice reminds me of narration supplied by a fellow who ferried us from one spot to another on the Thames. I later found out there are "official" tour boats manned by stuffy docents confined to a standard line of patter -- our guy was not that. He had many wry opinions about the Eye, Houses of Parliament, the Tate and the other boat operators.
I am so there for the Extreme Linoprint on Druid’s Hill. 1. Can Yanks participate? 2. What constitutes proper documentation of Druid ancestral linotype? 3. Are beards for women allowed? 4. Can my familiar attend as my assistant, and is black tie acceptable (he cannot change out of his furry tux) 5. Must Christians first convert so as to keep the site clean? Many thanks.
Sheep can be proper bastards
Proper. Bastards. I broke my toe on a wether's rock-hard head, protecting my young child. He never felt the kick, but I sure as hell did. It was only my body between his and my little one's that prevented a bad outcome. Admittedly it was excessively stupid to kick a sheep in the head at all, but with bare feet it was a festival of smooth-brained reaction. Momma Bears will be Momma Bears. I swear that Cloudy (the wether) shrugged, recommitted to his opinion that humans are complete nutters, turned around, and went about his day.
I was peacefully chewing on a scone while reading this which at one point caused a little burp to come out followed by a little laughter mixed with little pieces of scone jetting out of my mouth which landed on the floor which my beagle promptly lapped up. Lovely piece. Thank you.
Brilliant. Although I am already terrified of walking through a field of cattle with my dog and knowing they like Paula Abdul has only increased this.
It just shows - even the most privileged looking cat can be grappling with... something.
I loved this - very funny writing. I literally just searched for the ‘Fellow Hiker Profile’ app having recently become addicted to the Merlin app. Disappointed to find that it's not a thing!
My favourite bit is your ability to "navigate my way to the nearest tavern by evaluating the health of nettles". However, I should think you'd need to be fairly close to the tavern to see any impact on the nettles, as most drinkers can't hold it long enough to walk far.
My favorite might be “As soon as I took them home to the seventh floor flat we used to rent on an unusually tall farm,” but it’s a tough call between that and the “Extreme Linoprint” event.
Thank you. My feeling is that Extreme Linoprint entry will probably draw the most niche appreciative crowd.
😊
I’m looking forward to seeing your mum’s entry in the “Extreme Linoprint” event.
Dear Tom. I am reading Notebook. Please share the thing about Joyce. I know it's too short to prompt a row about a paragraphs, sadly, but I would appreciate being able to like it, formally.
You are just an absolute gem. 🙏🏼😂 Reading your words always brings a smile and chuckle and awe for how effortlessly you do what you do. 👏😄
Too kind. Thanks Megan!
You are hilarious, Sir! My favorite were the cat addict, the Fellow Hiker App and your dogs. I will mention 2 things, I passed by this post earlier this morning and was confused about your front door and couldn't look into it further so I'm so happy I found you again! 😂 Also I kept looking for evidence of all the murderers and odd assortment of detectives that have become so very familiar to me in all those lovely quaint little villages of the English Countryside 🤷🏻
“pollution-coated twat thinks he’s William W***ing Wordsworth” *Snorts oat milk*
#5 “This one, which still hurts more than most, “
Okay I GET that some of these are tales:fullofit, but methinks there is actually more of a story here, and some people desperately want to know what those beady-eyed, bloodthirsty Bovidae did to y’all on that lonely precipice…?
Brilliant Tom! Funny to read different people’s favourites. 😂 The extreme linoprint seems to be ahead.
For me, it was numbers 4, 5 and 10, with 5 being the clear winner. 🐱 That face. ❤️ I almost cried.
Thanks Avril! (From me and Roscoe.)
A great read!
Thank you, Dorinda!