I love your dad! His catastrophising sounds like my dad.
I learnt to drive very late (in my early 40s) and told him I was driving up to Yorkshire to see a friend. "Go up the M1! Do not go up the M6! If you go up the M6, it'll be the last journey you ever do!" Then, when I was planning to drive to see him in December:
"They've forecasted freezing fog! Do you know what that is? Do you know how dangerous that is? You must cancel or it'll be the last journey you ever do!"
I had a driving lesson in the snow once. I even had a driving lesson on the M6, so... Erm... I'll probably be okay, Dad! At least he cares, but part of the reason I learned to drive late was because I had a fear of cars. Can't think *where* that could've come from.... What a mystery!
My dad, God Bless him, used to bless my car with Holy Water every time I went out in it, to keep me safe from whatever horrors might be on the road.! (Mind you, that first car of mine did need blessing to keep going and not have some part of it fall off on the road!). He was often worried about me , and was sure I was being recorded by “the Government”, when I went on protest marches for various causes. But I know he was proud of me, we had a deep, unspoken understanding, and he loved me . (Even though he would have been mortified to actually say so!). Thanks for the lovely and loving observations of your dad.
Your dad sounds like my dad. I wasn’t allowed to blow up balloons as a child because he’d read in the paper that it was dangerous. No one else had ever heard of this and I faced much derision at birthday parties.
Oh I did like this! It’s conversational style made me want to shout answers like - I personally was v struck first time I saw you at the Louis Marchesi in Norwich in 2018 when you were sporting a wide brimmed hat, a cloak & maybe even a pipe in full ‘son of Gandalf’ mode. And also I’m intrigued by your dad wanting to strike up political debate with strangers on seeing them. I did exactly this whilst charging my car recently & I genuinely wanted to know if the Tesla owner alongside was embarrassed at being seen with such a thing. He turned out to be a lovely bloke of whom yr dad would’ve approved, as he pointed out to me that it was a company car & he had no say in what he drove. I’d not thought of that and was glad I didn’t have to gallop in waving my sword righteously.
As these three have already said- this is very much a laugh-but-also-cry-a-bit piece. So glad you put it out again- I seem to have completely missed it first time round, and it’s a jewel. Thank you!
(Also: we knew your pa was multi-talented, but the children’s books had got past me somehow. If they’re no longer in print- bloody publishers- please could you let us have a couple of titles and I, for one, will be heading off like a bloodhound, only fatter and older, though, crucially, literate, to find some. No grandchildren yet, but it pays to Be Ready.)
Thanks Catherine. Glad I'm not just annoying people by reposting it. You could try Wild Things To Do With Woodlice or Johnny Catbiscuit To The Rescue (there's a bit about this in 21st-Century Yokel) for starters!
Chuckling away reading about your Dad Tom. You write with such affection for your family.
At 71 with 3 adult children in their 30s and 40s (and as a Midlander to boot) I can sort of relate to your Dad's shouty warnings and flippant, gruff, seemingly abrupt remarks about you...all born out of love.
As you say, we play roles and sometimes get stuck in them. My Mum role is of 'life and soul of the party'. I'm the cheery, chatty pensioner who fills all the gaps in conversation and a mother hen who fusses too much.
Like your lovely, talented Dad, I issue (mostly unwanted) advice as to how they could better live their lives and ways to steer clear of all those dangers lurking out there. They are fully grown, clever and capable adults!
We never part without me telling each of them "Safe journey, go carefully, let me know when you're home safe and sound. Love you."
The everlasting love you have for your kids can be terrifying...exhausting. I am glad to be reflective and silent once they've gone...exhausted by the bonhomie, the cheeriness, the concern regarding their various situations, the incessant positivity.
Just as your Dad does, we show our family members that we value them and love them in all sorts of ways.
Love your writing Tom. It makes me smile and think, always.
God, I love this, and have been in love with your dad since the note he put in his garden shoe to remind himself there was a toad in residence...
I am a bit of a Joyce, I admit. And my partner is about to cycle from Glasgow to Cape Wrath, for fun and for Samaritans. We are 70 this year, and I will remember
'People do usually make it there and back safely.'
I could read about your Dad all day, Tom. I am literally crying with laughter reading what he says to you. God he's so talented too, isn't he? His pictures are amazing. I can't believe that so much talent runs through one family!
..."THUGS, YOBS, NUTTERS, TWATS AND FUCKPIGS.”...what road has a human traveled to become a part of this society? Will A/i define each of these groups definitively? Or perhaps lump them all into the lunatic category?
Seems like you had a proper upbringing so as not to fall in with these OINKERS. Maybe they needed parents like yours.
Apparently I missed this piece when you first posted it, so thanks for posting it again. I always love to read about your hilarious and brilliant dad. Am I wrong, or is there a different tone in this particular piece? There’s a slightly melancholy feeling to it that I haven’t noticed in your nonfiction writing before. Of course the anecdotes you tell about your dad are as amusing as ever, but you also reflect on who he is and how he got to be that way. Maybe it’s that we age ourselves, we watch our parents aging. (My parents are in their 80s, and I worry about them.) Or perhaps it’s that as you continue to write and get better and better, your style and tone become more distilled (not sure that’s the right word.) Anyway, I enjoyed this very much, and it’s made me think about several things that will stay with me for a while.
I loved reading this. For a number of years I decided I didn’t want to live beyond 80. It seemed long enough. But, well fuck, my son is 33 and hasn’t found a partner to procreate with, though he thinks he would like to be a father. His present love interest won’t work for that since it is a polyamory relationship and well….
And I’m fucking 72. Let your dad know that he has years to go. Nice that your parents had you young. My parents were 38 when I was born and I was 39 when I had my son.
So now I can’t croak at 80. Have to rethink everything.
I love spending time with your dad!
I love your dad! His catastrophising sounds like my dad.
I learnt to drive very late (in my early 40s) and told him I was driving up to Yorkshire to see a friend. "Go up the M1! Do not go up the M6! If you go up the M6, it'll be the last journey you ever do!" Then, when I was planning to drive to see him in December:
"They've forecasted freezing fog! Do you know what that is? Do you know how dangerous that is? You must cancel or it'll be the last journey you ever do!"
I had a driving lesson in the snow once. I even had a driving lesson on the M6, so... Erm... I'll probably be okay, Dad! At least he cares, but part of the reason I learned to drive late was because I had a fear of cars. Can't think *where* that could've come from.... What a mystery!
Made me laugh out loud in the train. But I am also crying. Thank you 🙏
Thanks Caroline!
As always Tom you managed to convey deep love for everything around you. Thank you for making my day.
My dad, God Bless him, used to bless my car with Holy Water every time I went out in it, to keep me safe from whatever horrors might be on the road.! (Mind you, that first car of mine did need blessing to keep going and not have some part of it fall off on the road!). He was often worried about me , and was sure I was being recorded by “the Government”, when I went on protest marches for various causes. But I know he was proud of me, we had a deep, unspoken understanding, and he loved me . (Even though he would have been mortified to actually say so!). Thanks for the lovely and loving observations of your dad.
'I’m a “can’t remember how much of the glass I’ve drunk, and am unable to verify the state of affairs due to misplacing the glass” person.'
Laugh-in-public relatable. Thanks.
Your dad sounds like my dad. I wasn’t allowed to blow up balloons as a child because he’d read in the paper that it was dangerous. No one else had ever heard of this and I faced much derision at birthday parties.
Oh I did like this! It’s conversational style made me want to shout answers like - I personally was v struck first time I saw you at the Louis Marchesi in Norwich in 2018 when you were sporting a wide brimmed hat, a cloak & maybe even a pipe in full ‘son of Gandalf’ mode. And also I’m intrigued by your dad wanting to strike up political debate with strangers on seeing them. I did exactly this whilst charging my car recently & I genuinely wanted to know if the Tesla owner alongside was embarrassed at being seen with such a thing. He turned out to be a lovely bloke of whom yr dad would’ve approved, as he pointed out to me that it was a company car & he had no say in what he drove. I’d not thought of that and was glad I didn’t have to gallop in waving my sword righteously.
As these three have already said- this is very much a laugh-but-also-cry-a-bit piece. So glad you put it out again- I seem to have completely missed it first time round, and it’s a jewel. Thank you!
(Also: we knew your pa was multi-talented, but the children’s books had got past me somehow. If they’re no longer in print- bloody publishers- please could you let us have a couple of titles and I, for one, will be heading off like a bloodhound, only fatter and older, though, crucially, literate, to find some. No grandchildren yet, but it pays to Be Ready.)
Thanks Catherine. Glad I'm not just annoying people by reposting it. You could try Wild Things To Do With Woodlice or Johnny Catbiscuit To The Rescue (there's a bit about this in 21st-Century Yokel) for starters!
My goodness. I have read 21st-century Yokel, of course. How on earth did I forget this, I wonder… Thank you.
Chuckling away reading about your Dad Tom. You write with such affection for your family.
At 71 with 3 adult children in their 30s and 40s (and as a Midlander to boot) I can sort of relate to your Dad's shouty warnings and flippant, gruff, seemingly abrupt remarks about you...all born out of love.
As you say, we play roles and sometimes get stuck in them. My Mum role is of 'life and soul of the party'. I'm the cheery, chatty pensioner who fills all the gaps in conversation and a mother hen who fusses too much.
Like your lovely, talented Dad, I issue (mostly unwanted) advice as to how they could better live their lives and ways to steer clear of all those dangers lurking out there. They are fully grown, clever and capable adults!
We never part without me telling each of them "Safe journey, go carefully, let me know when you're home safe and sound. Love you."
The everlasting love you have for your kids can be terrifying...exhausting. I am glad to be reflective and silent once they've gone...exhausted by the bonhomie, the cheeriness, the concern regarding their various situations, the incessant positivity.
Just as your Dad does, we show our family members that we value them and love them in all sorts of ways.
Love your writing Tom. It makes me smile and think, always.
God, I love this, and have been in love with your dad since the note he put in his garden shoe to remind himself there was a toad in residence...
I am a bit of a Joyce, I admit. And my partner is about to cycle from Glasgow to Cape Wrath, for fun and for Samaritans. We are 70 this year, and I will remember
'People do usually make it there and back safely.'
But I shall call out WOFFAL! as he leaves 😂
I could read about your Dad all day, Tom. I am literally crying with laughter reading what he says to you. God he's so talented too, isn't he? His pictures are amazing. I can't believe that so much talent runs through one family!
..."THUGS, YOBS, NUTTERS, TWATS AND FUCKPIGS.”...what road has a human traveled to become a part of this society? Will A/i define each of these groups definitively? Or perhaps lump them all into the lunatic category?
Seems like you had a proper upbringing so as not to fall in with these OINKERS. Maybe they needed parents like yours.
Awww. I needed to laugh and cry at the same time today. Wish I was that intelligent with my Mum.
Apparently I missed this piece when you first posted it, so thanks for posting it again. I always love to read about your hilarious and brilliant dad. Am I wrong, or is there a different tone in this particular piece? There’s a slightly melancholy feeling to it that I haven’t noticed in your nonfiction writing before. Of course the anecdotes you tell about your dad are as amusing as ever, but you also reflect on who he is and how he got to be that way. Maybe it’s that we age ourselves, we watch our parents aging. (My parents are in their 80s, and I worry about them.) Or perhaps it’s that as you continue to write and get better and better, your style and tone become more distilled (not sure that’s the right word.) Anyway, I enjoyed this very much, and it’s made me think about several things that will stay with me for a while.
I loved reading this. For a number of years I decided I didn’t want to live beyond 80. It seemed long enough. But, well fuck, my son is 33 and hasn’t found a partner to procreate with, though he thinks he would like to be a father. His present love interest won’t work for that since it is a polyamory relationship and well….
And I’m fucking 72. Let your dad know that he has years to go. Nice that your parents had you young. My parents were 38 when I was born and I was 39 when I had my son.
So now I can’t croak at 80. Have to rethink everything.
I enjoy when you write about your dad, and I love so much his artwork!
What a colourful and fascinating read – you seem to have had the kind of upbringing that I envied in my friends x