Autumn is possibly the time of year that makes me most furious when I’m in the countryside. It’s coming again soon, worse luck, and as always it will be disgusting and messy. Look at the state of this path I found a few autumns ago in Gloucestershire, a county I try to visit as rarely as possible because it has too many trees. And where was the path, precisely, you might ask? I will tell you: almost exactly equidistant from two entirely accessible branches of B&Q, both stocking corded leaf blowers for only £89 or, if like me you prefer a less stressful life, the cordless model for as little as £158.
I'm dying 🤣
I have actually seen some reviews of state parks that were similar to this. "Not ONE paved path; we had to walk on dirt the whole time!"
Thank god someone spoke up about this outrage.
I needed this today, I chuckled all the way through - and then reached the legendary phrase "self-centred penisface", when I started to heartily guffaw. Thank you!
Now I'm giggling in the office and simultaneously planning at least five folk rock albums that these should be the covers of.
I love the satire today juxtaposed with the lovely pictures. Your drove home the selfishness of humans. We should learn to do better.
Chuckling out loud. Excellent work. Dismally, I ponder just how reflective of some people’s actual views this might be. Mind you, rich fayre for a character or two in a short story.
I haven’t read nor enjoyed satire this much in awhile! 😂 But seriously, those mushrooms need to be dealt with.
I should have used the toilet before reading this. Lovely photographs, hilarious commentary, especially the Oreo cow. That Galloway probably paid good money for that belt, and there you go making fun of it, you curmudgeon. I wish my walks were half that inspiring.
Oh no, Tom has been possessed by the restless ghost of Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells. Quick, call an exorcist 🤣
A friend of mine once found a review of the UK by some Americans who complained that Stonehenge and the other attractions on the brochure were not as close to each other as the photo on the front of the brochure implied. They also said that they brought all their own food because they had heard that the British eat squirrels.
Tom, i want to say this post pushed me over the edge to putting your book Villager on hold at my local bookstore. It better be good and better not have any ponies gnawing on any Anglo-Saxon remains. French? No problem....
You forgot about all sh!te those animals leave as well!!
We had a woman round our way who genuinely asked for s farmer’s phone. She was enraged & wanted the sheep 🐑 moved out of their field. They were in the way a her dog 🐕 . His number was given to her, we never did find out what was said 🤣🤣🤣
I think Roger Daltry should be very proud of his photo portrait
I must say, the complaint about the ponies in the stream has some merit. Do you think those ponies washed their muddy feet before stepping into everyone's drinking water? You know they did not. I don't even see an outdoor shower where they could have rinsed off. Very poor planning on someone's part.
Well written, sir! I definitely agree with the first bit. I mean, who do these trees think they are, leaving their leaves all over the place!
The horror of it all. (I keep wanting to write similarly worded Google reviews of my favourite spots local to me, like the woods and waterfall just down the road. The woodland management people have been putting a lot of effort into making it a super attractive place to visit - clearing swathes of magnolia bushes (who knew they were so invasive!) to open up the earth to sunlight, and making a great tarmac car park, even a couple of swings. It's not yet a massively popular place. Imagine the Lakes (or as you're in Derbyshire, maybe Matlock, Heights of Abraham etc) without the people.. So when 5 people appear it feels busy. I'm not exaggerating. So I want to leave reviews on Google Maps like "Horrendous. Waste of time. Don't bother. There's NOTHING to do or see here. Go to Westport instead." (Westport is actually a pretty and popular touristy town)
I object to your discriminatory assumption that hedgehogs can’t drive - given the correct support (which is woefully lacking at present, despite my strongly worded letter to my MP), I am sure they would be excellent drivers; and if they did drive they would drive responsibly.
The sign indicates how carefully and slowly hedgehogs would, if allowed, drive. It is a shining example to all the crazy drivers in the countryside. There is no evidence for your assumption hedgehogs could not, and would not if the circumstances were appropriate, drive fast. On behalf of hedgehogs everywhere, I demand a retraction.
Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells.
Why is nobody here, shooing them the fuck out of the way?
Lol so good