I came here to say the same thing only I'm considering crocheting it onto a rug so everyone who walks over it will be forced to soul search for a moment.
It would make a lovely companion piece to the cushion which I worked on while caring for my increasingly disconnected parents: it is a cross-stitched brick wall with the graffito "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BASH HEAD HERE". I have used it regularly.
I am beginning to envisage an exhibition of stitched cushions, accompanied of course by an enormous and very swanky full colour catalogue with an introduction by Judi Dench (who appears to have set quite an elevated bar)
That scarface thing 😂😂😂 A review of a wonderful weird pub on Dartmoor was very damming of the food, drink, atmosphere etc. The landlady responded with “As soon as as you walked through the door, I knew you weren’t our kind of people” X
I am just thanking the heavens that I was drinking no liquids when I read this, specifically the description of the fuckwits populace - a unique demographic indeed. I'm laughing so hard I'm going to have to reread this piece of genius Tom!
I once had a particularly dismal copy editor who took against a slightly florid little passage in one of my books. Her comment was: 'Advise remove. Reviewers won't like this'.
To which I replied something along the lines of: 'Good'.
Tom, as ever, you speak for all of us... but better.
A lot of the time while writing I think 'people won't like this statement...' I leave it anyway, because then great. They got the real me and I'm not writing for the reviews. I'm writing to express who I am.
Great question... I think it was just a bit OTT for her. Lacking restraint. It was about Nancy Mitford as I recall and I probably showed too much love for her!!!!
Please please can someone make the ‘NOT FOR FUCKWITS’ stickers so we can all put them on our books..! Superlative idea Tom!! (And yes I guess I am not a fuckwit as I find your writing an utter delight and wonderfully cheeky…:)
I just recently discovered you as a writer here on Substack and I have only read a few of your posts here and none of your fiction. But I love what you write here and the style in which you write it so eventually I will get around to the fiction. I noticed when I finally read John Steinbeck’s collected letters that I liked them much better than his prize winning novels, because of their immediacy and frankness. Which is not to say his work that won him prizes was lesser. Just that I liked the letters better. Thank you for your equivalent to those letters.
Thanks Julia! I must read those. Travels With Charley is all I've read of his non-fiction, and I loved that. Probably my joint favourite book of his, with East Of Eden.
I really liked Number 6. I once started to read "Mexicala Beans" by I don't remember who and I cannot even find the book on the interwebs right now, but the main protagonist was a whiny whiny man. He complained, and fussed all the time. I couldn't stand it. This was the first book I didn't read all the way through and the first and last (so far) that I threw across the room and then jumped on. I couldn't write a bad review as I wasn't on the internet like that back then, and I wouldn't have. I realized that the writing was so freaking good I had a visceral reaction to the main character. I do not like whiny people. That said, and I know this isn't about your book, but I forwarded your post about horses kicking to my mum (warning, she loves emojis in her 80's, and Peter is her partner) and she sent me this back: "Peter thought he'd have a quick glance at the Gun and Horse you sent through and found he couldn't stop reading till he got to the end!! I think he may want to read the book [Notebook] when I finish it 😅😅😅 he thought it amazing. " He's not a reader really. He's more of a tinkerer, fixing and making things! If this post was meant to drive sales, I bet it works - part of me wants to order it now, but I will wait until it comes out here (the USA), and order from the locally owned, independent, tiny bookstore!
I am reading this aloud to the room (husband and dog) and just laughing and chuckling and smiling and totally enjoying myself. Thank you. I love your writing. And I’m using your (or your dad’s) excellent slur words over here in Oregon, FUCKWIT and now wankshaft being favorites.
I like weird, weird is good. Just keep writing your books the way you do- people will, or won’t, appreciate them whether you do, or don’t. I’ve enjoyed the ones I’ve read so far 👍🏻
As a fellow person of curly hair I salute you! I've had to resist the straighteners most of my life. Flat hair exudes 'professional' vibes it seems... I'll stick with wild and unruly.
You are not alone. Imagine the book curly hair would write if hair could write. Complicated twisting plot, unruly characters, things unpredictably popping out of nowhere, knotty problems the protagonist has to solve before they have opossums living in them. Delightful.
I'm someone who straightens her slightly wavy hair and has never published a novel. You can take this as empirical evidence that "Getting the straighteners out will lead nowhere productive."
“Fuckwits do walk among us in the world, and they are not thin on the ground.”
I am undecided whether to carve this pearl over my front door or to stitch it on a cushion, surrounded by blousy roses and a kitten or two.
Perhaps I shall accomplish both.
I came here to say the same thing only I'm considering crocheting it onto a rug so everyone who walks over it will be forced to soul search for a moment.
Brilliant! I give it 5 stars.
It would make a lovely companion piece to the cushion which I worked on while caring for my increasingly disconnected parents: it is a cross-stitched brick wall with the graffito "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BASH HEAD HERE". I have used it regularly.
I am beginning to envisage an exhibition of stitched cushions, accompanied of course by an enormous and very swanky full colour catalogue with an introduction by Judi Dench (who appears to have set quite an elevated bar)
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F4f%2F57%2F5d%2F4f575d93c48aad2ecc5147e18458c963.png&tbnid=VeMQBc_qDbWGuM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F1337074880638120%2F&docid=0M_oj5TO_wRSiM&w=900&h=675&hl=en-ie&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2Fm4%2F3&kgs=969ff0a33f788d3e&shem=abme%2Ctrie
I have been looking for a needlework project.
“People“ with an eye roll is my simple version of that.
“Fuckwits do walk among us in the world, and they are not thin on the ground.” is perhaps more pithy haha. I like it.
Both!
Never a truer statement 😆
Better Tiny Pricks Project link https://www.tinypricksproject.com/the-project/
Ha ha yes!
Blousy roses and kittens!
“You could ask your publishers to put advisory stickers on your books saying “NOT FOR FUCKWITS” - Tom this is genius
Thanks Jo!
Yes, this! 🤣
“…not humerus.” 😂 Spot on about one’s writing not being for everyone. Spot on about everything tbh 🧡
Thanks Justine!
🤣🤣🤣
I read that bit and I couldn't stop laughing!
That’s a bone isn’t it?🙂↔️
A bone of contention?
Ba-dum-pum *ksh*
Did he somehow avoid using his arm when writing? Toes, perhaps? The reviewer didn’t say if it was femoral or not. I was laughing so much!
That scarface thing 😂😂😂 A review of a wonderful weird pub on Dartmoor was very damming of the food, drink, atmosphere etc. The landlady responded with “As soon as as you walked through the door, I knew you weren’t our kind of people” X
I bet I know which pub you are talking about, too!
I am just thanking the heavens that I was drinking no liquids when I read this, specifically the description of the fuckwits populace - a unique demographic indeed. I'm laughing so hard I'm going to have to reread this piece of genius Tom!
“Unhappy wankshaft” was the one that got me. British insults are wonderful (at least this American thinks so).
#notforwankshafts
That’s where I snort-laughed. “Wankshaft” is now in my arsenal.
Thank you, Lalita!
I once had a particularly dismal copy editor who took against a slightly florid little passage in one of my books. Her comment was: 'Advise remove. Reviewers won't like this'.
To which I replied something along the lines of: 'Good'.
Tom, as ever, you speak for all of us... but better.
A lot of the time while writing I think 'people won't like this statement...' I leave it anyway, because then great. They got the real me and I'm not writing for the reviews. I'm writing to express who I am.
just curious: What was it about the passage that flagged it for the copy editor as something reviewers would take issue with?
Great question... I think it was just a bit OTT for her. Lacking restraint. It was about Nancy Mitford as I recall and I probably showed too much love for her!!!!
One can never show too much love for Nancy Mitford❤️
How right you are!!!!
Restraint is overrated.
So agree!
Ah, okay. Interesting!
Please please can someone make the ‘NOT FOR FUCKWITS’ stickers so we can all put them on our books..! Superlative idea Tom!! (And yes I guess I am not a fuckwit as I find your writing an utter delight and wonderfully cheeky…:)
The internet has revealed how many 'unhappy wankshafts' are among us; or is it in the business of actively creating them? Discuss...
I think you’re on to something with the idea of the internet creating unhappy wankshafts.
I wish only for wankshafts to be happy, of course
Just now realized I’m a 200 year-old witch! This explains so much - Thank you - 🧙♀️
I think there are more of us than we realize. *cackles delightedly*
I just recently discovered you as a writer here on Substack and I have only read a few of your posts here and none of your fiction. But I love what you write here and the style in which you write it so eventually I will get around to the fiction. I noticed when I finally read John Steinbeck’s collected letters that I liked them much better than his prize winning novels, because of their immediacy and frankness. Which is not to say his work that won him prizes was lesser. Just that I liked the letters better. Thank you for your equivalent to those letters.
Thanks Julia! I must read those. Travels With Charley is all I've read of his non-fiction, and I loved that. Probably my joint favourite book of his, with East Of Eden.
I really liked Number 6. I once started to read "Mexicala Beans" by I don't remember who and I cannot even find the book on the interwebs right now, but the main protagonist was a whiny whiny man. He complained, and fussed all the time. I couldn't stand it. This was the first book I didn't read all the way through and the first and last (so far) that I threw across the room and then jumped on. I couldn't write a bad review as I wasn't on the internet like that back then, and I wouldn't have. I realized that the writing was so freaking good I had a visceral reaction to the main character. I do not like whiny people. That said, and I know this isn't about your book, but I forwarded your post about horses kicking to my mum (warning, she loves emojis in her 80's, and Peter is her partner) and she sent me this back: "Peter thought he'd have a quick glance at the Gun and Horse you sent through and found he couldn't stop reading till he got to the end!! I think he may want to read the book [Notebook] when I finish it 😅😅😅 he thought it amazing. " He's not a reader really. He's more of a tinkerer, fixing and making things! If this post was meant to drive sales, I bet it works - part of me wants to order it now, but I will wait until it comes out here (the USA), and order from the locally owned, independent, tiny bookstore!
Bollocks to the FUCKWITS.
“Bollocks to the fuckwits” is a superb rallying cry appropriate for many occasions.
I was in Boston, MA yesterday and used it!
I am reading this aloud to the room (husband and dog) and just laughing and chuckling and smiling and totally enjoying myself. Thank you. I love your writing. And I’m using your (or your dad’s) excellent slur words over here in Oregon, FUCKWIT and now wankshaft being favorites.
I like weird, weird is good. Just keep writing your books the way you do- people will, or won’t, appreciate them whether you do, or don’t. I’ve enjoyed the ones I’ve read so far 👍🏻
Thanks Philippa!
As a fellow person of curly hair I salute you! I've had to resist the straighteners most of my life. Flat hair exudes 'professional' vibes it seems... I'll stick with wild and unruly.
You are not alone. Imagine the book curly hair would write if hair could write. Complicated twisting plot, unruly characters, things unpredictably popping out of nowhere, knotty problems the protagonist has to solve before they have opossums living in them. Delightful.
We should all write a book like that. A whole Curly Hair Collection, by the Curly Hair Group of Authors. Who's in?
*raises hand*
Before they have opossums living in them!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Or caterpillars.
This is why I’m always nervous about spiders, etc being in my hair! It’s curly!!
Really would like to write a story now with every other character named Thomas, narrated by someone's flop of curly hair.
I'm someone who straightens her slightly wavy hair and has never published a novel. You can take this as empirical evidence that "Getting the straighteners out will lead nowhere productive."