Cows were like, ‘What are you doing in our field?’ and I was like, ‘Well, it’s actually a public footpath. It says so over there, on a sign.’ And cows were like, ‘We don’t do signs.’ And I was like, ‘Well, if you want extra evidence, it’s in my AA walking guide, just here, where it tells me to strike across the field.’ And cows were like, ‘I never know why they write that. It sounds overdramatic.’ And I was like, ‘I know. “Walk diagonally” would be fine.’ And cows were like, ‘Anyway, don’t try to distract us. Let’s get back to the main topic. You’re not allowed in here.’ And I was like, ‘I am, and I’m walking.’ And cows were like, ‘OK, we’re charging. Geoff will go first, because she’s huge. So you better watch out.’ And I was like, ‘What kind of cow calls herself Geoff?’ And cows were like, ‘Geoff. That’s who. And don’t fucking mess with her.’ And I was like, ‘OK, no need to get aggressive. I’ll find another way to the village.’ And cows were like, ‘Yeah, you will.’ And I was like, ‘I will. I’m leaving. Right now.’ And cows were like, ‘No you’re not. You’re passing very slowly around the edge of the field, giving the impression that you’re leaving, but actually sneakily working towards your original destination.’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, I am. What are you going to do about it?’ And cows were like, ‘Well, nothing actually, because for reasons known only to ourselves we find that kind of movement less of a cause for concern.’ And then all fourteen of us resumed our business of the day, without further debate.
Love it. I’ve had almost exactly this conversation with cows 😂
I was cornered by some cows once. I was wearing a grey and white striped top and I think they must have decided I was an errant calf.
This is where I clearly went wrong. I tried crossing without the conversation. The cows started chasing me! Love the cow called Geoff!
If I ever have a pet cow I shall call her Geoff!
This is exactly what I needed to read.
I loved 'Notebook'.
I have had conversations like this with cows. Mainly menacing body-language on their part.
This is a great book, highly recommended!
That’s a great story! I shared it with a friend who raises cows.
Your encounter with cows reminded me of my own encounter many years ago. There were five of us running up Old Waterford Rd, which goes past at least one farm with cows. They always look so peaceful, just grazing away. That particular day, though, what should we see but an errant calf trotting down the road. We were pretty sure we knew where he lived and we were determined to turn him ‘round and take him home.
We jumped in front of him, yelled and waved our arms at him, and tried to grab him and turn him around. He didn’t even blink. He didn’t make eye contact; he just kept plowing ahead.
That calf was most definitely on a mission and five women weren’t going to stop him.
I don’t know if the photo is of the event, or just an illustration. I am not a vet, but I am pretty sure those are bullocks not cows. Statistically less dangerous than cows, but more likely to be called Geoff I suppose...